Skins recap Episode 3.09: “Katie and Emily”

Previously on Skins: Last week not much happened on the Naomily front. All the kids went camping in the woods, and Naomi, Emily and JJ shared a tent together. Luckily, this wasn’t as bad as it sounds. What was pretty bad, was Effy bashing Katie’s skull in with a rock, when she was high on mushrooms.

The episode starts with Katie all dressed up in high heels and an animal print outfit, strutting her stuff down the school halls. She is sporting a nice shiner from when she was attacked by Effy last episode.

It is time for the kids to take a history exam. JJ takes one look at Katie’s cleavage, and hands her a note that reads, “You’re Emily!” Smart boy. Turns out Emily is pretending to be Katie to take the exam for her, while the real Katie is at home, sitting in her room all depressed and miserable.
Of course, JJ is not the only one bright enough to notice Katie is really Emily. Naomi and Emily joke about how well Emily is pulling off pretending to be Katie. Naomi says she wishes she had a twin to do the exams for her.

Naomi tells Emily she should dress like that more often, because she looks really nice “from the head down.” She says it all flirty, and then does a 180 by mentioning she is going away for the summer. Apparently, Naomi wants to go somewhere alone, like Cyprus, to be alone and to think about stuff. What’s there to think about?

Emily must have read my mind, because she asks Naomi, “About what?” Naomi responds by saying that they should just be friends, and she tells Emily to have a good summer. Ouch.

As Naomi walks away, Emily tells her, “I’ll miss you,” which makes Naomi stop in her tracks. She lets out a deep sigh, turns around, and walks back to Emily. Naomi pushes Emily against the lockers and starts kissing her. It’s pretty hot.

The sound of a group of teenage boys approaching makes them stop kissing, way too soon for my liking. They decide to get out of there, presumably to make out some more somewhere a little more private.

Katie is in her room, ripping up a photograph of her and Freddie, worrying about her bruised face. She decides to make herself feel better, by snooping around in Emily’s stuff. She finds a locked box that she is about to open, when her little brother James walks in. She tortures him until he tells her what is in the box. According to James, it is full of fannies. I hope he means pictures and not real life ones, because that would be kind of gross, not to mention disturbing.

Naomi and Emily are in bed together, naked. It looks like they just had some sex we did not get to see, and now they are engaged in some cute pillow talk. Emily talks about her and Katie always doing everything together and not having any secrets from each other. “What about this one?” Naomi asks. Emily responds by saying she wants to tell people about them. She might have said more, but I was a little too distracted by her wandering hands – even though I watched the scene twice.

Emily asks Naomi to go to the college ball with her, but Naomi just sighs and says she does not want to do that. She feels like the fact that they are together is nobody’s business. Ah the joys of dating a closeted chick. Who hasn’t been there?

Emily: Why not?
Naomi: Em, it is nobody’s business.
Emily: Why? Who cares what other people…
Naomi: Emily! I’m not like you…I’m not sure like you are.
Emily: What aren’t you sure of?
Naomi: Can’t things ever be complicated?
Emily: Fine, you like boys too.
Naomi: Maybe. Maybe I only like boys, apart from you.
Emily: Well that’s f_ _ _ ing great! You are so in touch with yourself, aren’t you?

Emily let’s out a deep sigh and asks Naomi once more to come to the ball with her. Naomi doesn’t respond, so Emily gets out of bed. “Don’t do that,” Naomi says. Emily responds by telling Naomi she shouldn’t be doing that, because Emily is not her f_ _ _ing experiment.

Emily proceeds to get dressed, and is cursing because she cannot find her shoes. She tells Naomi she can keep her f_ _ _ ing shoes. Naomi just lies there, not saying a word, but her face says it all. That is the face of a girl whose heart is breaking for the very first time.

Emily: I’m tired. So sick and tired of it…Still holding hands through the cat flap, aren’t we? Have fun in Cyprus!

And with that, Emily walks out of Naomi’s bedroom. Now both girls are crying, and I almost feel like joining in. Almost. Break ups suck.

While Emily is crying at the bus stop, she runs into Thomas. He asks her why she is not wearing any shoes, and she tells him she couldn’t find them, like that answer makes perfect sense. Thomas lends Emily his shoes to wear, as well as his jacket. Emily asks Thomas what you should do when someone you love lets you down. He tells her you must try to stop loving them. “Is that even possible?” she asks, and Thomas responds that he doesn’t think so. Now and then these teenagers on Skins are pretty wise.

Emily comes out to Thomas, and he casually says it’s fine and that they should take a cap, because it looks like the bus isn’t coming, and his feet are getting cold.

Dinner at Katie and Emily’s house, and dad is being a total ass, talking about the importance of working out. When James swears he is punished by having to do some pull ups. Emily comes home in the middle of it. She sits down at the dinner table and looks a complete mess.

Her mother wants to know what she has been up to, and Emily decides to come out to her family, telling them she’s been making love to a girl. They are rather shocked, and while Katie attempts to make it sound like Emily is making it up, Emily continues, saying, “Her name is Naomi. She is rather beautiful. So I was nailing her. ”

Her dad reacts like it is the best joke he has ever heard. He walks off laughing, and Emily storms off to her bedroom. That’s when James tells the best line of the episode: “Gordon McPherson says you call them dykes, because you have to stick your finger in them.” What? Was I the only one who thought that was funny?

Katie and Emily argue in their bedroom about Emily’s coming out. Effy must have hit Katie pretty hard with that rock, because Katie seems convinced that Emily is making everything up. Katie says to Emily that Emily is just pretending to be gay, because she is jealous of Katie. Yes, that makes perfect sense. Katie tells Emily, “You’re not gay, you’re just stupid.” Don’t you wish you had a nice twin sister like that too?

The next morning Naomi shows up at Emily’s front door, not realising Emily came out to the family the night before. Emily’s mother invites her in, and it is not awkward at all. She tells Naomi to stop putting ideas into Emily’s head about beings into girls, and that she should leave Emily alone.

The twins wake up and apologise to each other in Twin speak, which is very cute and adorable. Katie tells Emily they are going shopping for ball dresses, even though neither of them has a date for the ball.

At the dress shop they bump into Panda, who doesn’t have a date either. They decide these should all go dateless together. Panda declares, “I am never doing surf and turf with boys ever again. It just f_ _ _s everything up, don’t it?

What follows is a shopping-for-ball-dresses montage that is luckily cut short by Freddie and JJ walking into the shop. Katie confronts Freddie about being a jerk, then walks off and Freddie follows her to apologise.

Emily is asking JJ if he has told anyone about them sleeping together, because it is supposed to be a secret. JJ admits he has told Freddie, but that it is cool, because Freddie didn’t care. We all know that it’s only a matter of time before Naomi finds out as well. I bet she won’t think it’s cool.
Katie tells Freddie he owes her, and should therefore take her to the ball and pretend to like it. She suggests JJ can take Emily, and Freddie says JJ will probably like that idea because of their fling together. Oops.

Katie is upset with Emily for sleeping with JJ, because he is a moron and because Emily should have asked her before she slept with him. Seriously?

Naomi can’t take the way things are between her and Emily, and walks out of class to give her a call. They decide to meet for coffee. At least, that’s what Naomi thinks, because when she arrives there it is Katie who is sitting there waiting for her. Katie tells Naomi to leave Emily alone, because Emily is hers.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Katie also tells Naomi that Emily slept with JJ. In fact, she says a bunch of nasty things to Naomi, who responds by asking Katie why she is so horrible. Katie’s answer is that she loves Emily more than Naomi ever can. She also tells Naomi not to dare show up at the ball.

JJ and Freddie arrive to pick Katie and Emily up for the ball, but they can’t leave before they are grilled by Katie and Emily’s parents. It’s awkward and kind of funny. Katie and Emily show up in matching dresses, which isn’t weird and creepy at all.

While everyone is at the ball, Emily is lying on her bed feeling miserable. Katie, Emily, JJ and Freddie are all standing around in front of the school, talking in groups of two about how weird this double date thing is. Just as they are about to go in, Emily shows up.

She tells JJ, “Ah, how sweet. Look at you JJ, suave. Well, it should be fun. Emily is great in the sack, isn’t she JJ?” JJ being JJ, he can’t help but admit that he did, in fact, sleep with Emily. Emily tells Naomi that she meant to tell her, but Naomi just ignores her and walks inside. This makes Emily run off in the opposite direction.

Katie and Naomi are fighting in the bathroom. Just as Katie admits that she was a bitch, because Emily deserved it, Emily comes out of one of the bathroom stalls. Now Katie and Emily are fighting. All their slapping and hair pulling is disrupting the ball.

Emily realizes that beating the crap out of Katie isn’t the answer. Instead she tells Katie it is time she saw that Emily is her own person, different from Katie. She tells Katie in front of the whole school that she is into girls, a girl. Emily says, “I love her, ok. I love…her,” while she points at Naomi.

Naomi holds out her hand and the two of them walk off together. Awww.

As they are walking down the steps of the school, hand in hand, Naomi casually tells Emily she loves her too. Emily responds in a similar fashion, with a simple, “I know.” Talk about a happy end.

Next time on Skins: On the final episode of the season, lots of stuff happens to characters that are not Naomi or Emily. Let’s pretend this was the final instead.