Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Recapping Season 1 of Wynonna Earp: Episode 8: Two-faced Jack

Previously on Wynonna Earp: Waverly has become the keeper of the bones and she finally stood up for herself, dumped her dumb boyfriend and embraced her inner freak. She's also been sharing a lot of smiles with a certain officer. Wynonna is still killing revenants, six down and one to go. See my previous recaps for more details.

If only it was another horrible nightmare.

Wynonna wakes up in the hospital. Doctor Ninja is standing beside her and he's telling her she's been in an accident. She doesn't remember anything about an accident and totally freaks out when the doctor tells her she's paralyzed from the waist down. What's going on?

Luckily, Wynonna quickly realizes not only is the guy not really a ninja, he's also not a doctor. He tells her she's a bad girl and there's something very wrong deep inside of her. Doctor Ninja will search for it until he finds it, then cut it out. Lovely.

Good thing Doc realizes Wynonna and officer Haught have been kidnapped and runs into the police station to tell Dolls all about it. Dolls says they need boots on the ground, but Waverly counters what they really need are choppers in the air. Also, some jets and drones and...you get the drift, Waverly is freaking out a little bit.

Basically, none of them know where to find Wynonna and Nicole.

Waverly thinks it was Bobo who took Wynonna and Nicole, but Doc tells them it was Jack and his knives. Apparently, he's a real sick bastard who likes to take people's insides out of their bodies. He's also the last of the seven revenants who killed Daddy Earp. How convenient.

The sheriff tells them they found Nicole and she's alive, so at least that's something. Doc and Dolls start their search for Wynonna, while Waverly stays behind at the police station to do some more research.

Meanwhile at the fake hospital, Wynonna discovers she's not the only patient. Bethany is there too and she seems to be totally clueless about what's going on. Just as they are about to escape, the fake ninja doctor comes back and Wynonna tells Bethany to run and get help. Instead, Bethany decides to just be a coward and stay in her fake hospital bed.

Yes, he's taking your organs out of your body.

Fake ninja doctor takes Bethany to do some fake surgery on her. She should've just run when she had the chance. Because you see, fake surgery involves taking all her organs out of her body while she's fully conscious.

Wynonna hears Bethany's screams, but cannot help her as her legs are still paralyzed. When Bethany dies the fake ninja doctor freaks out, because all the women he attempts to take their organs out keep on dying.

At the real hospital, Nicole is recovering from almost dying and Dolls is there to question her about what happened. The sheriff doesn't want him to, but Nicole says it's alright. She's looking pretty good for someone who was almost dead.

Officer Haught almost died, but all she has is a tiny head wound.

The sheriff offers to feed Nicole's cat. Nicole warns him her cat doesn't really like men, to which the sheriff replies: "Well, who does?"

Nicole says the last thing she remembers is Waverly smiling at her, then some guy flagging them down on the highway. She cannot give a description or remembers much else besides someone carrying her in the woods, then waking up in a ditch.

She also doesn't remember anything about Wynonna, but Doc suggests she should think not about what she saw but what the guy smelled like. He then gives her some instructions to help her remember, which sounds a lot like that awful remembering nonsense they used to do on Criminal Minds every other episode.

Why are these guys standing between Waverly and Nicole?

Of course it works. Nicole says he smelt like old fruit and gasoline. And he kicked her, said she wasn't the right type. From that they conclude that Wynonna must be his type. They are such great investigators.

Nicole tells Waverly how sorry she is. Waverly says it's fine, she's glad Nicole's ok. Then she walks off crying. Aww, poor Waverly someone comfort her! I think Doc heard me, because he decides to do just that.

Perhaps a manly poem can help Waverly feel better.

He tells her to calm down, because she knows Wynonna is tougher than a boiled owl! WTF? This is actually a real expression, from a "manly poem". Who doesn't like a real manly poem about manly men?

Waverly says: 'But he's got lots of knives', and Doc replies that's true, but Wynonna hass got them. Let's see if they actually manage to save her or if Wynonna has to escape all on her own.

Wynonna is willing her toes to move.

Over at the fake hospital, Wynonna is willing her toes to move. She is so happy when her toes finally move and then she throws herself out of her fake hospital bed. I am not sure that's the smartest move. She is now slowly dragging her body across the fake hospital floor.

She finds a knife and manages to climb back into bed. Evil fake doctor wants to test if she's still paralyzed by trying to pulverize her toe. She doesn't even flinch. Crazy woman. When she calls him a psycho, he doesn't like it one bit.

It's exhausting to watch these two and all their macho bullshit.

Meanwhile Doc and Dolls are hoping to find more information on Wynonna's whereabouts from a revenant who runs an illegal underground fight club. Of course, the revenant called Whiskey Jack only wants to give them information if they first fight for him in his club.

Is it just me or does just about every single fantasy TV show have at least one episode where the main characters are either made to fight or voluntary participate in some sort of demon fight club? Shows that come to mind off the top of my head are Supergirl, Angel, and Lost girl. At least, this time it's not to the death I guess.

Hmm who's more likely to win this fight?

Dolls and Doc are fighting each other. It's obvious Dolls is in much better shape, so I guess that means Doc is going to have the surprising win? Of course, I am right. Dolls receives information saying Dolls wants to do extensive testing on Doc, this makes him so pissed he kills Dolls. Well not quite, but they think he's dead anyway.

While the men are busy beating the shit out of each other, Wynonna is rescuing herself. Her plan is to kill evil fake ninja doctor, but it turns out he's not a revenant, just an evil human.

Wynonna doesn't need rescuing.

The real revenant shows up and he has Wynonna back in a fake hospital bed in no time. The same goes for the fake ninja doctor, who he manages to decapitate using only his evil nails. It's all very gory, but also kinda cool when the revenant holds up fake ninja doctor's head and proclaims: "He's lost his head". Oh, I love this show!

Evil real revenant then goes on to tell Wynonna how he knows all about her and they are so much alike. What is it with evil guys and their need to go on and on and on? Why don't they just kill their victims straight away?

Someone's lost his head.

He tells her he loves women and that every man has his favorite female body part he likes to gaze at. He loves to look at her organs. He hopes Wynonna stays alive long enough she can look at her own organs too. What a charmer!

Dolls and Doc still aren't hurrying to rescue Wynonna, instead they are doing some more bickering and saying some macho bullshit about how they are going to kill each other. It's so boring.

The seventh revenant is still going on and on and on. He does tell Wynonna something she didn't know already, apparently Daddy Earp made a deal with Bobo and they actually got on pretty well. Of course, Wynonna doesn't want to believe this.

Wynonna kills yet another revenant.

Just as the revenant is about to cut her heart out, Doc and Dolls are there to the rescue. In the end, of course it is Wynonna herself who kills the revenant. This is a good thing, as the boys are once again too busy trying to kill  - read out macho - each other.

After some more macho bullshit, Dolls admits the reason he gave up Doc to the Black Badge Division, was because it was a choice between him and Wynonna. Doc gets that and finally stops wanting to kill him.

It's hard being the heir.

Wynonna has now managed to kill all seven revenants who were involved in her father's death. Now what? There's still so much more evil to fight.

Waverly and Wynonna decide they are going to burn the photo with the seven revenants who killed their father, even though they went through so much trouble to find it only a few episodes ago. Waverly asks: "So what now?" but Wynonna just walks away.

The end.

It's hard being Earp sisters.

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