Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Recapping Season 1 of Wynonna Earp: Episode 8: Two-faced Jack

Previously on Wynonna Earp: Waverly has become the keeper of the bones and she finally stood up for herself, dumped her dumb boyfriend and embraced her inner freak. She's also been sharing a lot of smiles with a certain officer. Wynonna is still killing revenants, six down and one to go. See my previous recaps for more details.

If only it was another horrible nightmare.

Wynonna wakes up in the hospital. Doctor Ninja is standing beside her and he's telling her she's been in an accident. She doesn't remember anything about an accident and totally freaks out when the doctor tells her she's paralyzed from the waist down. What's going on?

Luckily, Wynonna quickly realizes not only is the guy not really a ninja, he's also not a doctor. He tells her she's a bad girl and there's something very wrong deep inside of her. Doctor Ninja will search for it until he finds it, then cut it out. Lovely.

Good thing Doc realizes Wynonna and officer Haught have been kidnapped and runs into the police station to tell Dolls all about it. Dolls says they need boots on the ground, but Waverly counters what they really need are choppers in the air. Also, some jets and drones and...you get the drift, Waverly is freaking out a little bit.

Basically, none of them know where to find Wynonna and Nicole.

Waverly thinks it was Bobo who took Wynonna and Nicole, but Doc tells them it was Jack and his knives. Apparently, he's a real sick bastard who likes to take people's insides out of their bodies. He's also the last of the seven revenants who killed Daddy Earp. How convenient.

The sheriff tells them they found Nicole and she's alive, so at least that's something. Doc and Dolls start their search for Wynonna, while Waverly stays behind at the police station to do some more research.

Meanwhile at the fake hospital, Wynonna discovers she's not the only patient. Bethany is there too and she seems to be totally clueless about what's going on. Just as they are about to escape, the fake ninja doctor comes back and Wynonna tells Bethany to run and get help. Instead, Bethany decides to just be a coward and stay in her fake hospital bed.

Yes, he's taking your organs out of your body.

Fake ninja doctor takes Bethany to do some fake surgery on her. She should've just run when she had the chance. Because you see, fake surgery involves taking all her organs out of her body while she's fully conscious.

Wynonna hears Bethany's screams, but cannot help her as her legs are still paralyzed. When Bethany dies the fake ninja doctor freaks out, because all the women he attempts to take their organs out keep on dying.

At the real hospital, Nicole is recovering from almost dying and Dolls is there to question her about what happened. The sheriff doesn't want him to, but Nicole says it's alright. She's looking pretty good for someone who was almost dead.

Officer Haught almost died, but all she has is a tiny head wound.

The sheriff offers to feed Nicole's cat. Nicole warns him her cat doesn't really like men, to which the sheriff replies: "Well, who does?"

Nicole says the last thing she remembers is Waverly smiling at her, then some guy flagging them down on the highway. She cannot give a description or remembers much else besides someone carrying her in the woods, then waking up in a ditch.

She also doesn't remember anything about Wynonna, but Doc suggests she should think not about what she saw but what the guy smelled like. He then gives her some instructions to help her remember, which sounds a lot like that awful remembering nonsense they used to do on Criminal Minds every other episode.

Why are these guys standing between Waverly and Nicole?

Of course it works. Nicole says he smelt like old fruit and gasoline. And he kicked her, said she wasn't the right type. From that they conclude that Wynonna must be his type. They are such great investigators.

Nicole tells Waverly how sorry she is. Waverly says it's fine, she's glad Nicole's ok. Then she walks off crying. Aww, poor Waverly someone comfort her! I think Doc heard me, because he decides to do just that.

Perhaps a manly poem can help Waverly feel better.

He tells her to calm down, because she knows Wynonna is tougher than a boiled owl! WTF? This is actually a real expression, from a "manly poem". Who doesn't like a real manly poem about manly men?

Waverly says: 'But he's got lots of knives', and Doc replies that's true, but Wynonna hass got them. Let's see if they actually manage to save her or if Wynonna has to escape all on her own.

Wynonna is willing her toes to move.

Over at the fake hospital, Wynonna is willing her toes to move. She is so happy when her toes finally move and then she throws herself out of her fake hospital bed. I am not sure that's the smartest move. She is now slowly dragging her body across the fake hospital floor.

She finds a knife and manages to climb back into bed. Evil fake doctor wants to test if she's still paralyzed by trying to pulverize her toe. She doesn't even flinch. Crazy woman. When she calls him a psycho, he doesn't like it one bit.

It's exhausting to watch these two and all their macho bullshit.

Meanwhile Doc and Dolls are hoping to find more information on Wynonna's whereabouts from a revenant who runs an illegal underground fight club. Of course, the revenant called Whiskey Jack only wants to give them information if they first fight for him in his club.

Is it just me or does just about every single fantasy TV show have at least one episode where the main characters are either made to fight or voluntary participate in some sort of demon fight club? Shows that come to mind off the top of my head are Supergirl, Angel, and Lost girl. At least, this time it's not to the death I guess.

Hmm who's more likely to win this fight?

Dolls and Doc are fighting each other. It's obvious Dolls is in much better shape, so I guess that means Doc is going to have the surprising win? Of course, I am right. Dolls receives information saying Dolls wants to do extensive testing on Doc, this makes him so pissed he kills Dolls. Well not quite, but they think he's dead anyway.

While the men are busy beating the shit out of each other, Wynonna is rescuing herself. Her plan is to kill evil fake ninja doctor, but it turns out he's not a revenant, just an evil human.

Wynonna doesn't need rescuing.

The real revenant shows up and he has Wynonna back in a fake hospital bed in no time. The same goes for the fake ninja doctor, who he manages to decapitate using only his evil nails. It's all very gory, but also kinda cool when the revenant holds up fake ninja doctor's head and proclaims: "He's lost his head". Oh, I love this show!

Evil real revenant then goes on to tell Wynonna how he knows all about her and they are so much alike. What is it with evil guys and their need to go on and on and on? Why don't they just kill their victims straight away?

Someone's lost his head.

He tells her he loves women and that every man has his favorite female body part he likes to gaze at. He loves to look at her organs. He hopes Wynonna stays alive long enough she can look at her own organs too. What a charmer!

Dolls and Doc still aren't hurrying to rescue Wynonna, instead they are doing some more bickering and saying some macho bullshit about how they are going to kill each other. It's so boring.

The seventh revenant is still going on and on and on. He does tell Wynonna something she didn't know already, apparently Daddy Earp made a deal with Bobo and they actually got on pretty well. Of course, Wynonna doesn't want to believe this.

Wynonna kills yet another revenant.

Just as the revenant is about to cut her heart out, Doc and Dolls are there to the rescue. In the end, of course it is Wynonna herself who kills the revenant. This is a good thing, as the boys are once again too busy trying to kill  - read out macho - each other.

After some more macho bullshit, Dolls admits the reason he gave up Doc to the Black Badge Division, was because it was a choice between him and Wynonna. Doc gets that and finally stops wanting to kill him.

It's hard being the heir.

Wynonna has now managed to kill all seven revenants who were involved in her father's death. Now what? There's still so much more evil to fight.

Waverly and Wynonna decide they are going to burn the photo with the seven revenants who killed their father, even though they went through so much trouble to find it only a few episodes ago. Waverly asks: "So what now?" but Wynonna just walks away.

The end.

It's hard being Earp sisters.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Recapping Season 1 of Wynonna Earp: Episode 7: Walking after midnight

Previously on Wynonna Earp: Waverly has become the keeper of the bones and she also found some time to finally dump her dumb boyfriend Champ. Maybe now there's room in her life for a certain officer. Wynonna continues to kill revenants with together with Dolls. See my previous recaps for more details.

Doc is being an ass and doesn't want to help Wynonna.

It's dark and it's snowing in Purgatory, yet Doc is sleeping outside under the stars as if it was a nice summer night. A revenant is about to attack him, but luckily Wynonna shows up and kills him. She already killed this revenant a few episodes ago, but he's back, because apparently it didn't take. Or something.

Doc is only half glad she showed up, because she needs him to help her and he is so done helping the heir and getting nothing in return. He tells Wynonna to go to hell, which is kind of weird as it was only last episode he was trying to get into her pants.

Meanwhile Blacksmith Marlo is getting a visit by the stone witch who wants to find 'her boy'. The blacksmith is in a protective circle, only it doesn't seem to protect very well. They literally try to scratch each other's eyes out.

The good thing about this scene is that Waverly isn't there, so I guess this means nothing bad happened to her last episode and she just went home.

This is Waverly's happily single look.

This is confirmed right away when we see Waverly being all smiles about Wynonna leaving her alone for the weekend. She's a "happily single Virgo, with hair for days." Yes. that is of course the perfect combination.

At the police station, Wynonna and Dolls are trying to figure out who the final of the seven revenants is. Dolls suggests ordering some Chinese, because it's going to be a long night and they might as well make it fun. Since when has Dolls every cared about fun?

This is Wynonna rolling her eyes at Dolls.

Across town, the Blacksmith is still being tortured. In the end, she breaks the protective circle herself because she wants to drink a sip of water that bad. That's when she gets tortured some more, and admits Waverly has the skull. Watch out Waverly, some evil bitch is coming for you!

Waverly is at home preparing for a party she's throwing. She's dancing and singing and generally just being her cute self. Doc walks in wondering how many tiny pillows one girl really needs. The perfect amount of tiny pillows for a couch or bed apparently is 5!

She's playing with the human skull uncle Curtis left her and Doc tells her to be careful because Bobo is looking for a skull to finish his skeletons. It could be the skull he needs. You think? Doc says he was a jerk to Wynonna, but he didn't mean it. Too much drink and too much pride. Ah, haven't we all been there?

"You can sleep in the barn, so you don't get gutted by revenants."

Doc has to go, because the party is women only, plus Waverly is trying to show she is normal and Doc doesn't fit with that lie she's telling herself. She does invite him to from now on stay on their land, instead of in the middle of the scary woods.

Waverly:       Friends don't let friends get gutted by revenants.

Doc has a good point when he says Wynonna should have some say in this too. He is going to stay at their barn tonight, to see if it meets his needs. The barn, really? Don't the Earp sisters have a nice guestroom or something he can stay in?

In the meantime, Dolls is being really weird. He's phoning Wynonna to let her know he's going out of town for a while and she should just stay put and wait for orders. She'll do fine fighting revenants on her own.

Wynonna doesn't think Dolls will make it back in time for their Chinese take away.

We see Dolls getting into a car with mean looking guys from the CIA, FBI or wherever it was again he's working for.

Dolls' boss tells him his three months are up, and seeing as he hasn't got any concrete evidence of large scale demonic activity in Purgatory, he's getting a new assignment. He tells them he can give them something bigger and better than revenants and demons. It's all very mysterious, I guess.

Hardly anyone is showing up for the party Waverly spent so much time preparing and the girls that do show up have nothing nice to say. How can she live in a murder house? Does she really think it's healthy moving back in with Wynonna? Gawd, these girls are such bitches. Waverly get better friends!

Never have people over who are capable of this condescending look.

Saturday night at the police station and guess who's there? It's Officer Haught! Wynonna asks her where she has been for the last three episodes. I mean, why she's working on a Saturday night. Nicole blames her boss. Wynonna responds that bosses suck and hers might be dead. She's kidding. Sort of.

It makes Nicole feel better that Wynonna wasn't invited to Waverly's party either. It's not you Nicole, it's those stupid bitches Waverly calls her friends. They even had the nerve to tell her off for dumping Champ, because she should know no one's lining up to date an Earp. *eye roll*

Wynonna has found another victim to get drunk with.

Wynonna and Nicole are getting drunk together at the police station. They are talking trash about the girls at the party. One of them apparently once told Wynonna to get a butt lift. Nicole is outraged, because she thinks Wynonna's butt is top shelf.

Nicole says Waverly has spent her whole live catering herself to whoever she was with, she is only just now trying to figure out what she really wants. Ah so sweet, Nicole still has it bad. Wynonna thinks Waverly should be hanging out with Nicole instead, and of course, Nicole agrees.

That's Nicole's face when she's talking about Waverly.

At the party, the girls are now playing poker with Doc. The girl who's engaged is complaining it's the lamest engagement party in history. Doc responds that a hostess is only as good as her company. They hear a scary noise and Doc goes outside to investigate. I don't get why people always do this. Wouldn't it be better to just stay inside where it is safe?

The Blacksmith is in the barn, warning Doc that she is coming. She is the stone witch, who's looking for Waverly's skull. She plans to free all the revenants from Purgatory - how unoriginal. She also wants Waverly dead.

There's a bleeding blacksmith in the barn, and a Waverly bat on the porch.
She's coming at the witching hour, how appropriate. The blacksmith says she's too strong and Doc should take Waverly and run. If he saves Waverly tonight, she will tell him how to kill the stone witch later.

Waverly comes outside to see what's going on and Doc pretends everything is fine.

At the police station, Nicole and Wynonna are checking out some corpses. Drunk. They get spooked by the morgue guy who shows up. Wynonna tells him to wear a bell or something. Morgue guy is sorry: "Once a ninja, always a ninja."

Booze and corpses apparently go well together.

The girl they are looking at is actually the third girl that was found in the woods in the pilot episode. Or I think it is, because how many third girls can there be in one town? Turns out her organs were removed while she was alive. And then put back inside, as if someone was looking for something. Ewww.

They hear a noise, so they go to investigate. When they come back the corpse has a playing card stuffed into her mouth. Now everyone is freaking out. What's going on?

How to make a corpse look even creepier.

That's exactly what Nicole wants to know too. Instead of telling Nicole the truth, Wynonna goes all condescending and tells her she works on cases that are too complex for simple police rookies. Ouch.

Then she accuses Nicole of maybe planting the playing card. After all, she is awfully interested in her and her sister. Nicole says Wynonna should know better than to get others to question their sanity.

Wow. Just an hour ago they were the best of friends getting drunk together. I bet Nicole is thinking the same thing.

Nicole can't believe all the bullshit Wynonna is telling her.

At the Earp house it's almost the witching hour and of course Dolls doesn't have any intention of running off with Waverly. The girls think there's a stripper entertaining them, but he is awfully interested in all the guns in the house.

Exactly at the stroke of midnight the stone witch shows up, and Doc is ready to kill her. Doc who never misses when he shoots someone misses and at that exact moment the fake stripper grabs Waverly by the neck and demands to know where the skull is.

The guy without pants isn't really a stripper.

Waverly kills the fake stripper by stabbing some scissors into his ear. How badass! That's when they realize one of the spoiled girls is missing. They don't do anything about this, because Waverly is too busy freaking out about killing someone.

Doc tells her the stone witch is there to kill them all. Or close enough. She's the one who gave him immortality then stuck him at the bottom of a well. This just happened to be the same well Wynonna climbed inside of in the pilot to retrieve Wyatt Earp's gun. Small world.

Meanwhile the stone witch is outside casting a spell. While Waverly is protecting the house from being invaded, spoiled girl is telling her she's such a freak.

Waverly telling it like it is: she's a freak. A proud freak!

Waverly: Yes, I am a freak. I am a freak who knows that the best place to stab someone bigger than yourself is through the ear. I am the freak who knows that witches can't cross lines of salt, which is really handy right now. And I am the freak who six months ago would have been too polite to mention that that big old diamond on your finger is ugly as shit!

Spoiled girl:   You bitch!

Waverly:         So for once in your life just be smarter than you look at just shut up!

You go girl! Doc is impressed too, he gives her his bottle of whiskey.

The fake stripper Waverly just killed with her scissors comes back into the house. He's now a zombie. They kill him again. Spoiled girl has had enough.

Spoiled girl:   Screw you satanist party poopers!

The satanist party poopers are about to get eaten.

She runs out of the house and of course gets killed instantly. Waverly and Doc follow her outside where there's not only a creepy stone witch, but also lots of zombies ready to eat them. They go back into the house, but that doesn't stop zombies.

Waverly calls Wynonna for help, then Doc makes her hide upstairs. Instead, Waverly decides to climb out of the window to confront the stone witch. She's either very brave or very stupid, probably a bit of both.

Here's your skull, come and get it!

The stone witch tells her she trapped Doc because he was loved by Wyatt Earp, and Wyatt Earp killed her boys. They weren't revenants, but something much more evil and therefore they did not resurrect.

Before the stone witch can take the skull, Waverly smashes it against the shed. Good idea! The stone witch is just about to kill her when both Wynonna and Doc show up and start shooting. The stone witch drives off, and the world is saved for another day.

Brave and stupid Earp sisters.

Wynonna tells Waverly she was very brave. Stupid, but very brave.

Later, Doc comes to Waverly to apologize. Killing the stone witch is all he's dreamed of since forever. He says he understands if she hates him. Waverly says, she doesn't hate him. He's the scorpion, she's the frog. He doesn't get it, she tells him to Google it. LOL.

Waverly tells him he should talk to Wynonna as well, because he loves her. Of course he denies it, that's when Waverly says he has a tell and she knows he's always lying.

Officer Haught is outside of the Earp house taking the other spoiled girls' statement. How convenient, after not seeing her for three whole episodes, she's suddenly everywhere again. Not that I am complaining.

Nicole only has eyes for Waverly.

Wynonna goes outside to talk to Nicole and Nicole asks her if Waverly is ok.

Wynonna:    Waverly is being Waverly

Nicole:          Chrissy says she scissored a stripper

Nicole wants to know why the Earp house was targeted, Wynonna suggests they get some breakfast, then they will really talk, about all that is happening that is too complicated for simple police officers. Nicole wants to know if her boss is ok with this, and Wynonna responds that her boss isn't there.

As Nicole leaves, Waverly gives her a little wave. Nicole waves back and smiles. It's all very cute.

Oh, they so like each other!

Now that was a good ending to the episode. OK, it wasn't technically the last scene, but does it really matter?