Friday, January 16, 2009

Just an average morning in the life of a clumsy dumb ass

I went swimming this morning. Just an ordinary every day event that lots of people do all the time without anything ever happening to them. Not me. I am the kind of person who cannot do anything without either doing something stupid or clumsy. Usually both.

I got my bike out of the shed without any incidents (this IS a big deal, because on two previous occasions I managed to give myself a flat tire and break off my key in the lock) and I was all ready to go to the swimming pool.

Once I arrived there, I managed to do almost everything I could possibly do to make everyone thing I was a complete moron. It started with putting my bike in the bike rack. Apparently, you are supposed to wait until the guy in the booth gives you a little card and attaches one to your bike.

You are also not supposed to leave without handing back the little card and having the guy remove the tag from your bike. Well, how was I supposed to know that? The guy wasn’t amused with my misunderstanding.

Luckily, the people inside the swimming pool were more understanding. At this point I might tell you that the actual swimming part went just fine. I did not drown or hurt myself in any other way.

Just everything around it I had problems with. Like figuring out how to make the entrance gate open. Then I failed to walk through the entrance gate fast enough before it closed again.

But the real stupid stuff happened as soon as I got changed. I got all my clothes, bag, and everything and stuffed it inside of a locker. Just as I slammed the locker shut, I see this HUGE SIGN that reads, “Never just randomly shut a locker”.

Who knew you needed an electronic code? So I go swimming and afterwards I go look for someone who can open my locker. Finally I find a guy who can help me with getting my locker to open again. He was nice enough, I guess he has to deal with dumb asses like me all the time.

I am in the dressing room getting changed and when I am almost done, I realize that I only have one shoe with me. Where did the other one go? I could not have possibly have left it…in my locker?

At this point I am just slightly embarrassed, as I go look for someone to ask if perhaps they have found a shoe. Just as I am describing my shoe (because of course I left the other one unattended in de dressing room), the guy who helped me with my locker comes walking towards us with my shoe in his hand.

A crazy morning? Nah, this is a pretty typical morning in the life of me…

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