Saturday, January 26, 2008

Did boybands make me gay?

I like to think I have good taste in music (Of course, we can argue about this. Taste is something very subjective, and what I think is brilliant you might think is total crap. For an idea of some of the stuff I like look here . Let’s just agree I do indeed have good taste in music). However, this wasn’t always the case.

When I was a young and innocent 12 year old I got sucked into an obsession known as the boyband phenomena. We’re talking 1989 here, long before being a boyband fan became trendy (not that that makes it any better). I think the term boyband did not even exist at this point. My total love, adoration and devotion (not to mention all my time and pocket money) was spent on what was probably the crappiest band in history ever, namely Bros.

Remember Bros? Two blond skinny short haired 20 year old boys named Matt and Luke Goss (ok they started out with a third member called Craig Logan, but they kicked him out of the band pretty quickly). They were most famous for hits like I owe you nothing and When will I be famous? back in 1988 and 1989.

Like I said, their music was pretty crap, but they had a huge fan base, especially in the UK. I absolutely adored them. Their posters covered my bedroom walls, I had the t-shirts, the shoes, the whole outfit. I even went to see them in concert and visited their houses. Oh and I was madly in love with Matt and wanted to marry him. Sigh.

As if one embarrassing boyband wasn’t enough, I soon discovered my next obsession: New Kids On the Block. They were huge in the early nineties. I don’t think there’s been any boyband since who was that popular (or who made as much money). I loved these boys and I loved their songs (The Right stuff, Hangin’ Tough, Step by Step).

Again my bedroom walls were covered in pictures of them, I went to see them in concert (I was in the front row and Donnie shook my hand and I nearly fainted), and I knew all their songs by heart including the rap parts (yes, I am very embarrassed to admit this).

I think I got over the whole boyband thing by the time I was 15 or 16. That’s when I discovered girls. Could it be that overexposure and obsession with boybands made me gay?

Friday, January 25, 2008

Why TV series on DVD rock

I like watching TV. I especially enjoy good series. One of my favourite things to do is to get the latest season of one of my fave shows on DVD and watch the entire 22-episode season in one go. Ok I am lying; I usually need two nights, or a weekend.

Yes, I love DVD marathons. In the past I tried to do this with movies, but that was actually quite hard. Have you ever attempted to watch more than two movies in a row? If you have, you know what I am talking about. It is impossible. And no, it’s not about the amount of time you sit in front of the television. That part is easy. I think it has something to do with the amount of information you have to retain, all the story lines you have to remember.

This isn’t so much the case when you’re watching multiple episodes of the same show. There’s just more of the same thing, hence, you can keep watching (and still follow what’s happening) for much longer.

My love for TV series on DVD has grown much bigger than my love for movies. I’m not quite addicted yet, but I am starting to get quite an impressive collection. Because yes, of course I also want to own all the DVD boxes of the series I like.

Some of the series I own include Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Six feet under, Battlestar Galactica, Angel, Alias, Twin Peaks, Grey’s Anatomy, Lost, Supernatural, Party of Five, the L word, Firefly, This Life, and my latest find Heroes.

Who needs a life when there is all this DVD goodness?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Home, sweet home?

I’m back in my old hometown. The town that I grew up in. The town that I left when I was 18. I remember swearing I would never go back here. Ever. There’s been many things I said I would never ever do that I ended up doing just the same…

So far it’s not too bad being back. I enjoy the familiarity of being in a country that I spent the majority of my life in. I know these people, I understand them: what they say, what they want, what makes them tick. At the same time that’s also the worst thing about being back.

Actually, there are a lot of bad things about being back. I will not bore you with all of them, but I do want to share the lovely surroundings:

I’m staying with a friend of mine. A really good friend, we go way back. We have known each other for 18 years. So we get on fine. It also helps she has a huge luxurious apartment and she works a lot. Me, I still have a lot of time on my hands. I am not the sort of person who gets bored easily, but a lot of free time does make one do crazy stuff.

It’s only been 3 days and already I have noticed some very scary things. Like how I try to keep her house nice and tidy, how I get her mail and run her errands. Worst of all, whenever she’s come home I was there with dinner ready….

I’m turning into a freaking house wife!!! Help!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Leaving Germany

In a few days I will be leaving Germany. I lived in a little town in the former eastern part of Germany for the past 2 years. It’s been quite an experience. Someone asked me the other day, if I had known what it would really be like to live here beforehand if I still would have emigrated.

To be honest, I am not sure.

There’s so many things I don’t like about this place. Yet, there’s so many things that I love. It’s a lovely town, surrounded by hills, beautiful nature, and breath taking views. You can walk everywhere, it’s quiet, it’s safe (I believe there is absolutely no crime here). I love the pubs, the Christmas markets, and the friends that I made.

The main thing I don’t like about it? It’s a small town in Germany. There’s no night life, no culture, no diversity of people. For someone who previously lived in Amsterdam for 8 years it’s been quite a contrast.

Still, I am going to miss it. I am going to miss this place, this country, this life I am leaving behind. Even though I am going to miss it, the one thing I know is that it’s time to leave. Time to move on.

I could never stay, simply because I would make a very bad German. For many reasons, but I will give you just three:

-I refuse to stand and wait for a red traffic light in the middle of town for 5 minutes when there’s no traffic coming

-I cannot go to a pub and only order drinks for myself all night

-I don’t care enough about saving the environment to turn off my nice hot morning shower when I soap in, in order to save some water.

Auf Wiedersehen Deutschland! It’s been fun…

Friday, January 11, 2008

Clowns are evil

Thought I’d let you know, just in case you hadn’t realised this yet. Clowns are a good example of so many things that are supposed to be fun and entertaining for kids, but are indeed just very very creepy. Or just plain wrong. Not convinced? Just have a look at the picture below.

Now tell me, how does looking at that clown make you feel? And don’t tell me good or happy, because I’ll know you’re lying. Or maybe you’re just a big freak.

Because there is nothing fun about clowns.

Maybe I just have an issue with grown men who dress up in a disguise in order to make little kids happy. I mean, I am also not a big fan of Santa Claus. Oh and I also have a problem with mimes.

But still.

Is it a coincidence there’s clowns in almost every scary movie? I don’t think so.

Clowns are just naturally creepy. In case you’re still not convinced, check out the movie Clown house: It's about three psychotic clowns who escape from an asylum to break into the house of a boy with a fear of clowns.

Clowns are evil. Remember that.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Bad day

I feel like ranting.

I won’t though, because when I do I tend to say things I regret later. Or maybe not so much regret, but feel like there wasn’t really a need to offend, or upset. So a blog is not the best place to rant, as it will be recorded forever. *

What will I not be ranting about? Families. More specifically, co-workers who have families. There’s nothing wrong with having a family. There is, however, something very wrong with expecting different treatment because of it. Or phrased differently, expecting me to do all the work-related stuff that is not convenient for you, just because I happen to be single. Like attending talks and dinners at night. I don’t have anyone waiting for me at home, so what else could I possibly want to do with my evenings?

I also will not be ranting about all the stupid companies and institutions that make supposedly simple stuff like informing them you are moving unnecessarily complicated and time-consuming. Or the people working for said stupid companies and institutions that know even less about their workplace than what I learned reading their websites.

What’s more, no one will hear me say anything bad about the thermos I now have to drink coffee out of, instead of keeping the pot warm on the burner. I will not insult the person who took forever to ask me a very simple question, I will not complain about the weather, the hole in the pavement, or what happened to me walking home from work. Lastly, I will not say anything mean about the one person who deserves it most.

I will not. But I want to…really bad.

Yes, it’s been one of those days.

* Or for as long as it takes me to click on the edit button.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

The reasons why

Five reasons why I am a lesbian:

1. Kate Winslet

2. Clea Duval

3. Angelina Jolie

4. Starbuck

5. Leisha Hailey

Enough said.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Breathing her nicotine

Nicotine: A true love lost…

It is a little over a year ago that I quit smoking. Previously I had been a heavy smoker (30 a day, at least) for almost 15 years. I was a heavy but a happy smoker. Everything in my life revolved around smoking, from the moment I got up until the time I went to bed. I smoked everywhere, and any time it was allowed, except from during sex and in the shower. I was a smoker, all my friends were smokers, and I could not picture my life without it.

Then on January 1st of last year I quit smoking. Cold turkey. The first few days were hell. No scratch that, the first few months were hell. All I could think about for 3 whole months was I want to smoke, I want to smoke, I want to smoke!!!

The first few days without nicotine I could not get myself to do anything. If I could not smoke while doing it, I thought it was no fun, it had no point. It got so bad that I felt like life wasn’t worth living without nicotine. That scared the shit out of me.

It was also what made me persist. I felt that if I really thought that life wasn’t worth living if I could not smoke, I was such an addict I had to give it up. That’s what got me trough it. That and the fact I did not want to end up like my mother and have a heart attack before I am 50*. Also, my amazing levels of stubbornness and persistence helped a lot.

So here I am a year later, 20 pounds heavier (I forgot to mention I quit smoking by increasing my drinking), 10% more lung capacity (I’m still not very sportive though), 20% enhanced smelling ability (everything stinks!!), and a lot calmer. I am now an ex-smoker. Or a non-smoker even. And for the most part I am happy about it.

I no longer need to smoke. But I miss it. I miss those coffee and cigarette breaks in the morning, I miss nervous stress chain-smoking, I miss the bonding with the other smokers, I miss that cigarette after a long day, on a perfect day, or after great sex.

I hope I will never take up smoking again, but I know I will always miss it…

* Don’t worry, she scared the hell out of us a few years ago, but she survived and she’s fine now. She still smokes though. A lot. And I understand.


I am lucky.

Lucky to live where I live, to be surrounded by the friends, family, co-workers and even most of the strangers that I am surrounded by. They’re a nice bunch of caring, open-minded, tolerant, easy-going, intelligent people that don’t judge and accept people as they are. And if not, they at least have the decency to keep it to themselves.

That is probably why I have been able to enjoy my life almost without any hassles or worries. I don’t get judged, hassled, or discriminated against. Hell, most of the time I almost forget about it.

I forget that to some people (or many people, depending on where you are) it matters, it matters a great deal. They take issue with who I am, what I do, how I live my life. Some just have strong negative opinions, others would even see me dead.


I don’t get it. I honestly don’t understand why people care, at all, about who I am and how I live my life. How they can feel so strongly, how they can judge, how they can hate.

Last week there was this guy at a party who had quite strong opinions. He was saying how he was against adoption by same-sex couples. He said he considered himself a liberal and tolerant guy*, therefore, gays were allowed to exist and have some rights, but of course combining kids and gays was very unnatural. “Not only that,” he was quick to add, “but it would probably make the kids gay too. These days gays and lesbians get too much attention, people act almost like it’s normal. It will only give kids ideas, like it’s ok to be gay, and they might want to become gay too…”

I am lucky. Lucky I only have to listen to crap like this once or twice a year.

* You should always be weary of people who start of by telling you how liberal and tolerant they are. The same goes for people who start of by saying they never lie or are not coming on to you.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Life's what you make it (?)

A new year, a new blog.

I started this tradition* where I do something big and drastic every year. Two years ago I moved to a different country, one year ago I quit smoking. I am still not sure which of the two was a more life-changing event. This year, however, nothing major or drastic has happened yet. Not only hasn’t it happened yet, I am also not sure what this year’s big thing should be.

Sure, I am starting this new blog, it’s day five of my great this-time-I-will-not-be-weak- diet, and I am about to move back to my hometown. Still, none of this actually qualifies as big and drastic, let alone life changing. Well, maybe the whole moving back to my hometown thing does. So many people say you should never go back, including me. How happy I was to leave, and how certain I was that I would never ever go back. Never say never.

I said I would never stick around uni longer than I had to, and for years I laughed at the losers in grad school, until I ended up there myself. I said I would never love another the way I loved her, and well you can probably guess how that ended. I said I would never become unemployed, I would never move to Germany, I would never give up smoking, I would never become like my parents, I would never become old and boring, I would never…

Life has a funny way of making things happen and taking you places, regardless of how you pictured it in your head beforehand or the plans you’re making. Or as someone else has already said it better before me “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” (John Lennon).

Even though this might be true, I still feel like you should not just sit on the sidelines and watch your life unfold. I like to think I have some control over my life, or at least I want certain things to happen. Like doing something big and drastic once a year. It makes me feel like I am doing something good and useful, and at the same time it’s also kind of fun. If only I had a clue what this year’s big thing was going to be… *

I am not sure how often one has to do something before it is called a tradition. I personally think twice, hopefully three times, is more than enough to qualify.