|Wynonna is ecstatic she knocked out Dolls.|
Dolls and Wynonna are fighting, or put differently, Dolls is trying to teach Wynonna how to kick ass more effectively. He's taking it very seriously, he's doing back flips and everything. Wynonna not so much, but she finally puts some effort into it and manages to knock Dolls down.
Wynonna is very pleased with herself. She says he thinks she doesn't pay attention, but she does. Dolls says she's limbered up and it's not due to Yoga. Wynonna is being all defensive.
Why is it that on most TV shows they always seem to guess when someone has had sex? More importantly, why would it be a big deal if Wynonna had sex, because isn't that the kind of person she is supposed to be? OK maybe the Doc thing is a big deal, but still...I don't get it.
|Five down, only two more revenants to go..|
Then it's back to revenant chasing, because now that Wynonna has a photo of the revenants that killed her father, perhaps Waverly can identify the final two she hasn't killed yet. She's going to ask her over dinner.
She invites Dolls, but he says he has to clean up the office. She tells him to loosen up. When Wynonna leaves we see that what he was hiding is a shaky hand. Ohhh, a shaky hand, what could it mean?
At dinner Waverly is checking her phone, apparently Champ has sent her a dick pic. Seriously? Why is she still with this loser? Wynonna wonders the same thing, telling Waverly he is so beneath her. Waverly emphasizes how much that is literally the case, which none of us really want to think about.
|Waverly is so happy with her dumb loser boyfriend.|
Wynonna tells her there's more to life than mind blowing sex, but she's enjoying talking about hot sex a little too much, so they engage in some interesting euphemisms.
Waverly: Whose truck are you borrowing?
Wynonna: Please, I can get from here to there on my own thank you.
Waverly wonders if it's Dolls, but Wynonna just laughs. They get interrupted by the waitress who's annoyed with Waverly because she hasn't had time for her. Or something, it's all a big vague.
|Waverly knows who it is just by looking at the picture.|
Then it's back to business and Waverly tries to decipher from the photo, which revenant Wynonna should kill next. The person who can gives them more information about the revenant they are looking for is called the Blacksmith.
When Wynonna and Dolls go look them up, Wynonna steps on a land mine. She continues to keep her balance and not move her foot, while they get acquainted with the Blacksmith, who turns out to be no other than Sam's baby mama from Rookie Blue.
|Watch out, Marla couldn't be trusted on Rookie Blue either.|
She tells them all about cattle branding and other boring stuff, then senses that Dolls is in pain. I guess she's both a blacksmith and a physic rolled into one. She tells him he has a battle deep inside and his soul is being torn. Talk about being dramatic.
Champ takes at least a minute to describe a phenomenon and Waverly asks him if he means the word 'history'. He responds by asking how someone so pretty can be so smart. I guess that's supposed to be a compliment. Well, at least Waverly seems to think so. That girl is so easily pleased.
|Waverly still thinking she's happy with Champ.|
Although she does point out to him that those things are not mutually exclusive. Champ asks when the last time was they got mutually exclusive. Evidently, it's been a while, but Waverly isn't really interested. Instead she focuses on her uncle Curtis his stuff.
It seems he left her a letter. Wynonna comes over and for some reason Waverly hides the letter. Not that Wynonna is paying attention, as she gets totally distracted by a cool motorbike that's among Curtis' stuff.
|Wynonna is so happy with her new motor bike|
Turns out Curtis left the bike to Wynonna in his will. To say this makes Wynonna excited is an understatement. That is, until Doc shows up and she pretends to be all cool about it. He wants to see her in private.
This makes Wynonna kinda nervous, which is weird because I thought she was supposed to be this kind of girl who didn't get nervous. They make some awkward conversation and Doc tells her he needs to ask her something.
This something is for her to arrange a meeting between Doc and Dolls. Talk about anti-climactic.
When they show up at Dolls' office, we see him being all weird and shaky, he's angry on the phone with someone saying he needs more. What is going on, is squeaky clean Marshall Dolls on drugs?
|Macho men being macho.|
Wynonna leaves the men to talk together, which is a smart move because these two clearly do not like each other. Doc needs help finding a woman. Dolls says he'll help him if Doc gives him some evidence of Bobo's illegal activities.
They shake on it and Doc says he's father always told him to never trust a man with sweaty palms. But Doc likes a risk. Dolls says he has one day to deliver. All this macho bullshit is so boring.
|Wynonna doesn't put up with any bullshit.|
Wynonna and Dolls go to see a cattle burning revenant. Dolls tells her they need this one alive for evidence of revenant activity. Wynonna is being a smartass about it, and Dolls gets really angry, which is very unDolls like.
Wynonna: A. The last guy that talked to me like that got a nail done to the nads. and
B. Creepy dude on the porch at two o'clock.
They chase the revenant. Dolls tells Wynonna not to shoot him, but she does it anyway. After all, he was one of the seven who killed her father. Also, she's just very stubborn that way.
|Every episode we have at least one cool screencap like this one.|
Dolls isn't pleased at all. In fact, he's angry and aggressively looks for any leftover revenant pieces, which of course there aren't any. He does find a human hand. Another Wynonna Earp episode, another loose body part.
Doc does a little snooping in Bobo's cabin. He's been digging up pieces of two corpses. Can't imagine this is going to lead to anything good.
Wynonna is trying to do some math, while Dolls is examining the hand he found. Looks like someone took the bone marrow out of it. It's also got some human bite marks on it. Lovely. It does seem to get Dolls all excited, but it could also just be Wynonna's close proximity.
|I am not sure if Dolls wants her or wants to bite her.|
Wynonna thinks some guy was eating people, but Dolls tells her she's wrong. Not about the eating part, but it's actually a cannibalistic woman. This is kinda cool, because up till now we didn't know revenants could be female as well. Yay for feminism!
Curtis left Wynonna a cryptic poem and she's at Shorty's with Champ, trying to figure out what it means. Champ of course is no help, but Waverly is smart enough to figure it out on her own.
Something is hidden in the piano. Champ hopes it's a million dollars, so they can open a little bar somewhere. Because, that's what he's always wanted for them. Whatever dude, no one cares.
|Waverly is trying to solve a riddle|
It's not a million dollars, it's a human skull. A skull with a note that says she's now the keeper of the bones and to not tell anyone, besides the blacksmith. He trusted only Waverly with this, and she thinks this is a good thing. Meanwhile Champ is complaining Wynonna got the bike.
Waverly: He trusted me to be the keeper of the bones!
Champ: You will always be the keeper of my boner.
No. Just no.
Where is Officer Haught hiding? I didn't remember it took so long into this show for Waverly and Nicole to get together. It's now been 3 episodes without as much as an Officer Haught sighting. Enough!
|Waverly is no longer sure she's happy with Champ|
Champ wants to help Waverly shut of her brain, but Waverly likes her brain turned on! She doesn't want to be a barmaid for the rest of her life. She needs more than a boner and a pick up. Don't we all!
And just like that she breaks up with him. Not because of cute police officers or anything, but just because she finally realizes she needs and deserves so much more than this loser can give her. Good for you Waverly!
|Waverly needs more than a boner and a pick up|
Meanwhile Dolls and Wynonna are searching for a cannibalistic female revenant. Wynonna checks Dolls his forehead and he tells her to respect boundaries. Seems like he has a fever, even though he feels cold to the touch. He says he's fine.
They find a secret underground layer. And they just climb in. How brave. Or stupid. They are just looking around what looks like the woman cannibal revenant when they hear something.
|Are they just going to jump down into the creepy revenant layer?|
Dolls: Just don't get eaten.
Wynonna: Bite me!
Turns out the girl from the diner who was annoyingly Waverly is a revenant and her momma who owns the diner is the revenant cannibal. Momma has trapped Dolls and is going to have him for dinner.
Now that she has a nifty title like keeper of the bones, Waverly is feeling confident and has gone to visit the Blacksmith. The Blacksmith asks her if she thinks an 8-dollar bottle of wine is going to make her listen, but Waverly assures her that the bottle of wine is mainly for her. Not that confident after all.
|Wine in one hand, a box with a human skull in the other. Just another day in Purgatory|
Waverly shows the Blacksmith the skull and that does make her listen. The Blacksmith lets her in and they perform a creepy and vague ritual together. It involves the skull, some chanting, a hot poker and Waverly wondering if she just married a skull.
Something goes wrong and the Blacksmith wonders what she's done.
Blacksmith: She's coming for me. I need to find some salt!
Waverly: Am I in danger?
Blacksmith: Of course you are. I mean, this is what it means to be blessed. Oh you poor
sweet girl, what was Curtis thinking?
|Waverly isn't sure she still wants to be the keeper of the bones|
While all this is going on, Dolls is just trying to not get eaten. Cannibal mama takes a bite out of Dolls, but looks at him disgustedly. Apparently there's something wrong with him, he tastes all spoiled. He tells her he's an acquired taste. LOL!
That's when Wynonna comes to rescue him. She's asks if he's been eaten, he responds he's ok. Wynonna jumps down into the layer and kills Cannibal mama. Then she kills the daughter too.
|Wynonna shoots her first cannibal revenant.|
Dolls is having someone sneak the drugs he needs from a lab. No explanation is given as to what these drugs are, why he needs them or why he wasn't getting them anymore. All we know is that he looks pretty bad, like a junky in need of a fix.
Of course just when he wants to go to his office to take his drugs he runs into Doc. Dolls just wants him gone, but Doc isn't stupid, he sees his in withdrawal from something. The conclude that they are enemies.
|Just Wynonna, a new bike and a very old dude.|
The episode ends with Wynonna polishing her shiny new motor bike. Of course Doc shows up. They talk and flirt a little, but Wynonna says she just wants to be friends. The final scene is Dolls taking his drugs and his pupils going all creepy and evil.
Hello! Aren't we forgetting something? Waverly is still stuck with a skull and a blacksmith. Why has nobody gone to save her or is even worried where she is?