Monday, March 13, 2017

Recapping Season 1 of Wynonna Earp: Episode 9: Bury me with my guns on

Previously on Wynonna Earp: Waverly has embraced her inner freak and has also been sharing a lot of smiles with a certain officer. Dolls and Doc continue to be annoying macho men. Wynonna has killed the 7 revenants, but there are plenty more left. See my previous recaps for more details.

This recap is a little longer than usual. Lots of stuff happened this episode and the dialogue was so great I kept wanting to include it all. I always really enjoy Wynonna Earp episodes, but this was definitely one of the best. And I am not just saying that because Waverly and Nicole finally become more than friends, but they are part of the reason for this lengthy recap. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

A hot mess
Is this what they mean by a hot mess?

At the beginning of the episode we find Wynonna at Shorty's dancing wildly, drinking excessively and kissing random men. Just another Saturday night.

I guess it's not easy being Wynonna Earp, with the weight of the world on her shoulders and all, but at some point this girl needs to find some other ways to relax besides getting hammered. Perhaps she should get herself some nice adult coloring books.

As drunk as she is, it still doesn't prevent her from having flashbacks to getting kidnapped by the evil fake ninja doctor last episode.

Doc being his typical macho self.


Doc Holliday is there too, complaining the heir is too big a distraction for the important plans he has, which mainly involves killing the stone witch. Still, he never can seem to keep his distance from Wynonna, and as soon as some guy starts bothering her he is there to defend her honor.

Of course, this involves some macho knife waving bullshit. Still, he does tell the guy:  "She's not anybody's but her own," which is kinda nice. That's when Wynonna says she needs to throw up. Lovely.

They have a chat in the bathroom at Shorty's where Wynonna admits to Doc she thought she'd feel better after killing the 7 revenants who were involved in her dad's murder, but she doesn't really. Life is still hard, it still sucks and maybe it's easier just being bad.

Post puke talk.

















Life is hard

The next morning, Wynonna walks into the police station all determined to get shit done. Marshall Dolls is kind of surprised she's there on the weekend, looking even more like Wynonna than usual, if that makes sense.

Wynonna tells him it was the first time in ages she woke up and knew exactly what she wanted to do, to which Dolls responds: "Wear tighter pants?" She is just going to kill the next 7 revenants, and then 7 more and then 7 more until they are all dead. This is what I have been saying since the first episode, why not just kill them all?

Morning after coffee.


Her enthusiasm doesn't last very long, as apparently headquarters want her to do a psych evaluation. This involves being hooked up to a lie detector and having very personal and invading questions asked. She even gets accused of being a murderer. Not surprisingly, Wynonna doesn't do very well on the test and gets suspended.

She's pissed at Dolls for just letting them do that to her, but he is his usual annoying self telling her it just is what it is.

Wynonna is disappointed in Dolls once again.


Wynonna:     You stupid government lackey! You left me alone with a bureaucratic sadist and I was alone and scared.

Dolls:             You are not alone Earp.

Wynonna:     Or a murderer.

Dolls:             OK.

Wynonna:     Just once I want you to say it. That you care about me.

Dolls:             ...

Wynonna:    Pussy!

Waverly is busy multi-tasking.





















At Shorty's, Waverly is eavesdropping on Gus talking to some guy about selling Shorty's. Obviously, Waverly doesn't want Shorty's to be sold and tells an already upset Wynonna, who proclaims that no one is ever taking anything from them again.

Convinced the real estate agent is evil, Wynonna follows him to the bathroom and points Peacemaker at him. Turns out he is just a guy and she makes him pee his pants. Bad Wynonna.

Twisted evil and blowing off steam

Meanwhile, the stone witch is back in Purgatory and she makes her presence known by killing around 20 revenants just for the hell of it. She's collected all of the bones of 'her boys' minus one head, so it's time to resurrect the one with a head.


He's a real boy now.


They are going to take over the world and be Gods, or something. They don't get very far, as Bobo and some revenants show up and they kill her freshly resurrected boy.

At the Earp home, Wynonna and Doc are drinking whiskey while Wynonna complains about how hard her life is and how it scares her that she just wants to kill something or someone. Doc suggests she just needs to blow off some steam. They proceed to blow off some steam together.

Steam being blown off.


Meanwhile at the police station, officer Haught tries to explain to the Sheriff Purgatory is not what it seems. Of course, he lets her know all that demon talk is nonsense. As soon as she leaves, the Sheriff goes to Dolls to have a talk about the mysteries of Purgatory.

We find out Dolls' first name is Xavier. Am I the only one who finds it very weird Dolls goes by anything other than Dolls? It's a boring conversation, save from this gem from the Sheriff to Dolls: "Under the many layers of asshole, you seem like a good man." He almost makes it sound like a compliment.

You're a lesbian, not a unicorn, right?

When Nicole leaves the police station she almost literally bumps into Waverly. Jokingly, Waverly asks Nicole where the holdup is, but Nicole fails to get the joke. Instead, she asks Waverly if they can talk. Their conversation is kind of weird, as both seem to be talking about completely different things and it isn't awkward at all.

Nicole is thinking: good thing you're cute.


Nicole:      I'm not crazy, right? There is something going on here?

Waverly:   No. You're not crazy...

Nicole:      OK.

Waverly:   Well...I'm not sure I am really ready to...get into it.

Nicole:      Why?

Waverly:   Because it's different for me, right? And, you know, it's really personal.

Nicole:      But it's personal for everybody, right? I mean, they must know. People must whisper about it.

Waverly:   God, I hope not. I kinda only just discovered it....when I met you.

Nicole:      Me?

Waverly:   Yeah. You're kinda special.

Nicole:     OK....Maybe I'm a little bit more openminded, but it's not like I have a mystical gift or anything.

Waverly:  No, I get it. You're a lesbian, not a unicorn, right?

Nicole:     You're making fun of me!

Waverly:  No. Sorry, don't you want to talk?

Nicole:     I want the truth!

Someone's smitten, someone's confused.


Nicole storms off and Waverly proclaims she'd do better with a unicorn. I actually thought it wasn't half bad, at least they are finally talking to each other.

Later we find Waverly walking alone along the roadside when Nicole pulls up in her police car. Nicole asks her what she's doing and Waverly responds she just wants to be alone. Nicole doesn't give up that easily and tells Waverly to get into the car so she doesn't freeze to death.

Nicole also threatens to use her Taser on Waverly, which Waverly doesn't find very funny. Still, it does work, as Waverly gets into Nicole's car and they proceed to have a conversation.

Someone's pissed, someone's slightly amused.


Waverly is freaking out about everything in her life changing and no one asking her what she wants. Nicole tries to console Waverly, telling her everything is going to be alright.

Waverly:  I just screamed at you, you shouldn't be nice to me.

Nicole:     You know what, I think you've just been dating too many shitheads.

Waverly:  We're not dating!

Nicole:     I know.

Waverly concludes that maybe they should just be friends. Nicole is as annoyed with that suggestion as I am. Things were a lot more fun when they were just smiling at each other a lot.

Feelings are hard.









Bobo never dies

Meanwhile, across town, there is a bit of a standoff between Wynonna, Doc, the stone witch, Bobo and some revenants. Yep, they got everyone together in one place. Maybe Wynonna should just kill them all. Well, except Doc of course.

Just as Wynonna is about to shoot Bobo, Doc jumps in and points his gun at Wynonna. Apparently, it would be too stupid for her to start shooting now. Bobo makes fun of them and says it's a lover's quarrel. They all put their guns away and I am once again left feeling annoyed. Why not just shoot them all? Or at least Bobo. Almost every episode Wynonna has the chance and there is always some lame excuse why she shouldn't kill him.

Wynonna not shooting Bobo once again.


Next Doc points his gun at Bobo, I'm not sure why though because I thought they had just decided no one was killing each other. Seeing as Bobo had promised Doc the stone witch (like they can just decide who 'gets her'), Doc thinks he should honor his word.

Bobo agrees, but Doc also wants safe passage for "him and his women." I love this show, but I get a little tired of all the macho bullshit. Wynonna agrees with me.

As Bobo leaves he tells Wynonna he's got a special surprise for her. Oh, more foreshadowing!

I am a little sick and tired of Bobo at this point.







At Shorty's, Dolls and the Sheriff are hanging out, drinking coffee, and 'observing the crowd', which is as boring as it sounds.

Waverly is upset with Gus for selling Shorty's, because she has at least 3 shirts that say Shorty's. Gus tells her she can still work at the bar, but there is so much more she could be doing. Her whole life Waverly has done what everyone wanted her to do, now it's time she decides for herself what she's going to do with her life. Gus hands her a big cheque so she can actually go out into the world and do whatever she wants.

Gus: Live your life! Remember, some of the best things in life are the surprises it throws us, about what we want...who we want.

Live your life!

Getting salty with the stone witch

Across town, Doc and Wynonna fight with the stone witch and they torture her a little, just for kicks. They throw some bath salts in her face and tie her hands with some special silks they got from Marlo the Blacksmith.

While they do this, they argue about what went down, Wynonna saying she should've just killed Bobo. Of course, Doc doesn't like that idea because he had a deal with Bobo, which makes Wynonna accuse him of making deals with everyone, including the devil himself.

When Doc tells her he doesn't care about some broken woman's evaluation of his character, she punches him right in the face. Man, these two have a complicated relationship. This just leads straight to Doc pointing his gun at the stone witch, who pleads with Wynonna not to kill her saying she can tell her all about the curse.

Now Doc finally knows how Wynonna feels each time she wants to shoot Bobo.


Turns out the whole reason she made a deal with Doc and then had him trapped in a well for decades was to hurt Daddy Earp. It was always about him, because he was the one that mattered and Doc was never the hero, forever the sidekick.

That pisses Doc off, which is silly because sidekicks are often much more interesting and cooler characters than the heroes. Is this a wrong time to admit I always loved everyone else more than I cared about Buffy?

Doc is now even more determined to kill the stone witch, but Wynonna has an idea that will make her suffer forever. They are going to bury her in a field full of salt. Who is the evil one now?

This is a very evil plan, but also kind of amusing.


What I want to do most in this world is you

When I watched this show the first time around, I was very surprised we already got this scene. I mean, Waverly has only just five minutes ago said they should just be friends. Still, I am not complaining.

Waverly walks into the police station, asks Nicole where the Sheriff is and when she finds out he isn't there she proceeds to close all the blinds of his office, drags Nicole into the office, closes the door and starts to kiss her. It's all very fast, very determined and very hot.

Waverly is an all or nothing kinda girl.

Nicole interrupts their kiss to ask what happened to friends? Waverly responds my telling her all the things she has ever wanted to do, saying she is the kind of person who always wants to do what scares her.

Kiss first, talk later.
Waverly:    It's not so easy to be brazen when the thing that scares you to death is sitting right in front of you.

Nicole:       I scare you.

Waverly:    Yes. Yes, you do. Because, I don't want to be friends. When I think of what I want to do most in this world, it's you. Oh god, that sounded so much more romantic in my head. Just uhm, jump in anytime Nicole, because I really, really don't know how to do this.

Nicole:       Oh, sure you do.

Waverly:    Maybe I should just stop talking.

Nicole:       See, you're getting better at this already.

Waverly:    Maybe you should stop talking too.

Nicole:       Maybe you should make me.




Isn't this a perfect ending? OK technically it's once again not the actual ending of the episode. It ends with the revelation that Bobo has bought Shorty's. Yeah, that sucks, but look, happy girls in love making out...

The end.

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