|Doc is being an ass and doesn't want to help Wynonna.|
It's dark and it's snowing in Purgatory, yet Doc is sleeping outside under the stars as if it was a nice summer night. A revenant is about to attack him, but luckily Wynonna shows up and kills him. She already killed this revenant a few episodes ago, but he's back, because apparently it didn't take. Or something.
Doc is only half glad she showed up, because she needs him to help her and he is so done helping the heir and getting nothing in return. He tells Wynonna to go to hell, which is kind of weird as it was only last episode he was trying to get into her pants.
Meanwhile Blacksmith Marlo is getting a visit by the stone witch who wants to find 'her boy'. The blacksmith is in a protective circle, only it doesn't seem to protect very well. They literally try to scratch each other's eyes out.
The good thing about this scene is that Waverly isn't there, so I guess this means nothing bad happened to her last episode and she just went home.
|This is Waverly's happily single look.|
This is confirmed right away when we see Waverly being all smiles about Wynonna leaving her alone for the weekend. She's a "happily single Virgo, with hair for days." Yes. that is of course the perfect combination.
At the police station, Wynonna and Dolls are trying to figure out who the final of the seven revenants is. Dolls suggests ordering some Chinese, because it's going to be a long night and they might as well make it fun. Since when has Dolls every cared about fun?
|This is Wynonna rolling her eyes at Dolls.|
Across town, the Blacksmith is still being tortured. In the end, she breaks the protective circle herself because she wants to drink a sip of water that bad. That's when she gets tortured some more, and admits Waverly has the skull. Watch out Waverly, some evil bitch is coming for you!
Waverly is at home preparing for a party she's throwing. She's dancing and singing and generally just being her cute self. Doc walks in wondering how many tiny pillows one girl really needs. The perfect amount of tiny pillows for a couch or bed apparently is 5!
She's playing with the human skull uncle Curtis left her and Doc tells her to be careful because Bobo is looking for a skull to finish his skeletons. It could be the skull he needs. You think? Doc says he was a jerk to Wynonna, but he didn't mean it. Too much drink and too much pride. Ah, haven't we all been there?
|"You can sleep in the barn, so you don't get gutted by revenants."|
Doc has to go, because the party is women only, plus Waverly is trying to show she is normal and Doc doesn't fit with that lie she's telling herself. She does invite him to from now on stay on their land, instead of in the middle of the scary woods.
Waverly: Friends don't let friends get gutted by revenants.
Doc has a good point when he says Wynonna should have some say in this too. He is going to stay at their barn tonight, to see if it meets his needs. The barn, really? Don't the Earp sisters have a nice guestroom or something he can stay in?
In the meantime, Dolls is being really weird. He's phoning Wynonna to let her know he's going out of town for a while and she should just stay put and wait for orders. She'll do fine fighting revenants on her own.
|Wynonna doesn't think Dolls will make it back in time for their Chinese take away.|
We see Dolls getting into a car with mean looking guys from the CIA, FBI or wherever it was again he's working for.
Dolls' boss tells him his three months are up, and seeing as he hasn't got any concrete evidence of large scale demonic activity in Purgatory, he's getting a new assignment. He tells them he can give them something bigger and better than revenants and demons. It's all very mysterious, I guess.
Hardly anyone is showing up for the party Waverly spent so much time preparing and the girls that do show up have nothing nice to say. How can she live in a murder house? Does she really think it's healthy moving back in with Wynonna? Gawd, these girls are such bitches. Waverly get better friends!
|Never have people over who are capable of this condescending look.|
Saturday night at the police station and guess who's there? It's Officer Haught! Wynonna asks her where she has been for the last three episodes. I mean, why she's working on a Saturday night. Nicole blames her boss. Wynonna responds that bosses suck and hers might be dead. She's kidding. Sort of.
It makes Nicole feel better that Wynonna wasn't invited to Waverly's party either. It's not you Nicole, it's those stupid bitches Waverly calls her friends. They even had the nerve to tell her off for dumping Champ, because she should know no one's lining up to date an Earp. *eye roll*
|Wynonna has found another victim to get drunk with.|
Wynonna and Nicole are getting drunk together at the police station. They are talking trash about the girls at the party. One of them apparently once told Wynonna to get a butt lift. Nicole is outraged, because she thinks Wynonna's butt is top shelf.
|That's Nicole's face when she's talking about Waverly.|
At the party, the girls are now playing poker with Doc. The girl who's engaged is complaining it's the lamest engagement party in history. Doc responds that a hostess is only as good as her company. They hear a scary noise and Doc goes outside to investigate. I don't get why people always do this. Wouldn't it be better to just stay inside where it is safe?
The Blacksmith is in the barn, warning Doc that she is coming. She is the stone witch, who's looking for Waverly's skull. She plans to free all the revenants from Purgatory - how unoriginal. She also wants Waverly dead.
|There's a bleeding blacksmith in the barn, and a Waverly bat on the porch.|
Waverly comes outside to see what's going on and Doc pretends everything is fine.
At the police station, Nicole and Wynonna are checking out some corpses. Drunk. They get spooked by the morgue guy who shows up. Wynonna tells him to wear a bell or something. Morgue guy is sorry: "Once a ninja, always a ninja."
|Booze and corpses apparently go well together.|
The girl they are looking at is actually the third girl that was found in the woods in the pilot episode. Or I think it is, because how many third girls can there be in one town? Turns out her organs were removed while she was alive. And then put back inside, as if someone was looking for something. Ewww.
They hear a noise, so they go to investigate. When they come back the corpse has a playing card stuffed into her mouth. Now everyone is freaking out. What's going on?
|How to make a corpse look even creepier.|
That's exactly what Nicole wants to know too. Instead of telling Nicole the truth, Wynonna goes all condescending and tells her she works on cases that are too complex for simple police rookies. Ouch.
Then she accuses Nicole of maybe planting the playing card. After all, she is awfully interested in her and her sister. Nicole says Wynonna should know better than to get others to question their sanity.
Wow. Just an hour ago they were the best of friends getting drunk together. I bet Nicole is thinking the same thing.
|Nicole can't believe all the bullshit Wynonna is telling her.|
At the Earp house it's almost the witching hour and of course Dolls doesn't have any intention of running off with Waverly. The girls think there's a stripper entertaining them, but he is awfully interested in all the guns in the house.
Exactly at the stroke of midnight the stone witch shows up, and Doc is ready to kill her. Doc who never misses when he shoots someone misses and at that exact moment the fake stripper grabs Waverly by the neck and demands to know where the skull is.
|The guy without pants isn't really a stripper.|
Waverly kills the fake stripper by stabbing some scissors into his ear. How badass! That's when they realize one of the spoiled girls is missing. They don't do anything about this, because Waverly is too busy freaking out about killing someone.
Doc tells her the stone witch is there to kill them all. Or close enough. She's the one who gave him immortality then stuck him at the bottom of a well. This just happened to be the same well Wynonna climbed inside of in the pilot to retrieve Wyatt Earp's gun. Small world.
Meanwhile the stone witch is outside casting a spell. While Waverly is protecting the house from being invaded, spoiled girl is telling her she's such a freak.
|Waverly telling it like it is: she's a freak. A proud freak!|
Waverly: Yes, I am a freak. I am a freak who knows that the best place to stab someone bigger than yourself is through the ear. I am the freak who knows that witches can't cross lines of salt, which is really handy right now. And I am the freak who six months ago would have been too polite to mention that that big old diamond on your finger is ugly as shit!
Spoiled girl: You bitch!
Waverly: So for once in your life just be smarter than you look at just shut up!
You go girl! Doc is impressed too, he gives her his bottle of whiskey.
The fake stripper Waverly just killed with her scissors comes back into the house. He's now a zombie. They kill him again. Spoiled girl has had enough.
Spoiled girl: Screw you satanist party poopers!
|The satanist party poopers are about to get eaten.|
She runs out of the house and of course gets killed instantly. Waverly and Doc follow her outside where there's not only a creepy stone witch, but also lots of zombies ready to eat them. They go back into the house, but that doesn't stop zombies.
Waverly calls Wynonna for help, then Doc makes her hide upstairs. Instead, Waverly decides to climb out of the window to confront the stone witch. She's either very brave or very stupid, probably a bit of both.
|Here's your skull, come and get it!|
The stone witch tells her she trapped Doc because he was loved by Wyatt Earp, and Wyatt Earp killed her boys. They weren't revenants, but something much more evil and therefore they did not resurrect.
Before the stone witch can take the skull, Waverly smashes it against the shed. Good idea! The stone witch is just about to kill her when both Wynonna and Doc show up and start shooting. The stone witch drives off, and the world is saved for another day.
|Brave and stupid Earp sisters.|
Wynonna tells Waverly she was very brave. Stupid, but very brave.
Later, Doc comes to Waverly to apologize. Killing the stone witch is all he's dreamed of since forever. He says he understands if she hates him. Waverly says, she doesn't hate him. He's the scorpion, she's the frog. He doesn't get it, she tells him to Google it. LOL.
Waverly tells him he should talk to Wynonna as well, because he loves her. Of course he denies it, that's when Waverly says he has a tell and she knows he's always lying.
Officer Haught is outside of the Earp house taking the other spoiled girls' statement. How convenient, after not seeing her for three whole episodes, she's suddenly everywhere again. Not that I am complaining.
|Nicole only has eyes for Waverly.|
Wynonna goes outside to talk to Nicole and Nicole asks her if Waverly is ok.
Wynonna: Waverly is being Waverly
Nicole: Chrissy says she scissored a stripper
Nicole wants to know why the Earp house was targeted, Wynonna suggests they get some breakfast, then they will really talk, about all that is happening that is too complicated for simple police officers. Nicole wants to know if her boss is ok with this, and Wynonna responds that her boss isn't there.
As Nicole leaves, Waverly gives her a little wave. Nicole waves back and smiles. It's all very cute.
|Oh, they so like each other!|
Now that was a good ending to the episode. OK, it wasn't technically the last scene, but does it really matter?