Friday, May 29, 2009

Lesbians’ negative obsession with bisexual women

When a few weeks back I wrote about how I don’t understand people’s obsessions with sexual orientation labels, my main point was that labels like gay or bisexual just indicate whether you like boys and/or girls and people shouldn’t make it so complicated.

I did not mean to imply that I think sexual orientation is always this black and white. I am pretty sure that for most of us it’s more like a continuum or perhaps even a scale that can flip in one direction or another.

I don’t want to talk about that, the continuous or fluid nature of sexuality. We are all sexual beings with feelings, needs and desires and they just happen to be directed at people of the same and/or opposite sex.

What always puzzles me is why queer women when they are among themselves cannot just be nice, but always have to mess things up. What do I mean by this? There are so many examples, I don’t even know where to start.

How about lesbians’ attitudes towards bisexual women? Now that’s an interesting and sad sad topic. Every time I read an article about bisexuality anywhere the comments it receives by gay women is astonishing.

There’s such dislike and sometimes even hate. Why? Someone explain this to me. Or better yet, please don’t. I have read so much about this topic, I really do not want to hear any more. Unless you have something positive to contribute.

I guess the reason why I don’t understand all the fuss is because I don’t understand why people can be so judgmental about someone’s sexual orientation, especially when the people doing the judging know so well what it is like to be judged like that.

Yes, I am a lesbian, but why would that make me have a problem with bisexuals? Or with straight people? Or with anyone else of that matter? Not only do I not have any problems with bisexual women in general, I don’t have any issue about dating them either.

I like the women I date to be into women (read not straight) and to at least be certain about their sexuality (meaning I cannot do another struggling with identity and/or coming out). But why would I care whether she also likes guys or not?

I generally do not really care who someone has dated before me and who she fancies. So it’s also not important to me whether those are/were men or women. The main point is that you like ME, everything else is secondary.

I have read a lot of arguments against dating bisexual women, and even though I understand where it’s coming from, I tend to think it is all a little silly. But of course everyone should date whoever they want or do not want to date.

After all, if people are allowed to discriminate about such trivial and totally unimportant things as hair colour, there’s no way anyone can give a valid argument why lesbians should consider dating bisexuals.

The thing is that this biphobia (btw this is one of the words I detest the most. Not what it means or stands for, but because it is used way too often by whiny bisexuals) goes way beyond who to date. In some parts of the lesbian community bisexuals are just blatantly discriminated against.

Of course often it is less obvious or probably not meant in a nasty way, but why the need to always comment on someone’s bisexuality? Is it really that important? But the thing that always really has me going WTF is that some lesbians seem to believe that bisexuality does not exist.


It’s one thing to not like or understand bisexuality, but to right out claim it does not exist? How retarded is that? It’s just the same as straight folks claiming there’s no such thing as homosexuality, and it’s just a choice.

You just like who you like. If you are lucky you find someone special who feels the same way about you. Everything else should be secondary. Life’s too short and too damn depressing most of the time anyway to make things so hard on ourselves.

Go out and hug a bisexual today. C’mon, you know you want to…

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